What is Bipolar II? For me anyway…
Bipolar II is when most of your days are spent feeling sorry about yourself, and you want to pull yourself out of the slump, but you don’t know how.
Bipolar II is when the music is too loud and people need to just stop talking because you can’t manage the noise in your own head - much less everything else. It’s a constant whirring - like someone left your brain on fast forward.
It’s blowing up at people when your mood swings from cheery to irritable at the slightest criticism.
It’s wishing you could take back the words you said when that other part of your personality bares its ugly head - the part of your personality that you prefer to keep hidden at all costs.
It’s knowing that you can’t stop the change that’s happening all around you, despite your every piece de resistance. And it’s knowing that your precious mind is changing too, as it is taken over by forces you can’t control.
It’s the constant clenching in your gut as you smile and nod.
It’s the feeling that your whole life is a lie - or a joke - because you can’t remember the last time you truly felt like yourself. It’ll never be that way again.
It’s the steely pinched feeling in the back of your throat that tells you the tears could come at any time.
It’s noticing the way people look at you differently when you reveal those deepest parts of yourself.
It’s friendships and relationships ending because things aren’t the way they are supposed to be.
It’s wondering when the next mood will hit.
It’s the bittersweet taste of happiness when you know life can take it away in a heartbeat.
It’s numbness all over. And the cold, calculating inside your head that other people cannot imagine.
It’s the intense longing to sever all connections in this life so there will be no one to leave behind.
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